i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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