shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pooping to opera.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
