Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
