he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
