I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
