There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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