I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize