Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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