She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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