I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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