I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
