Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize