She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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