Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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