Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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