my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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