New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
