I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
