I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
