What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
