Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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