Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
