He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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