In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
