There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
