on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
