A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
