If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
