I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
