we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
