You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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