things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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