I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
