I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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