is your mom at the bar?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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