i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
