Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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