guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
