tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
