So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
