I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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