wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
