he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
