Screwed.edu
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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