Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
