She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
