Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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