Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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