I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
