i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Please don't give away my fajitas
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
