with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
