3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
