dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't turn off my feet"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
