i think my mom watched the whole time
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
