Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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