So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
