If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
