I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your cock deserves a montage
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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