I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He better not be in your backpack
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had to cum in my sink.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
