Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
