Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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