Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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