proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
