You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
