I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize