I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
