Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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