I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize