Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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