I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
