What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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