I think I am morally bankrupt
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
