He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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