I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize