think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
