you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
