just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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