his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i now understand why vodka
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
