i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
