True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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