did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
