I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
