This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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