just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Randomize
