Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
