Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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