Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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