ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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