sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
